07 Aug 2025
I fucking hate dowsing. I hate the act of it, I hate the dowsing rods, I hate the entire dowsing industry. Fuck dowsing.
Get fucking real, we did not need dowsing before and we don’t need it now. We know it’s dumb bullshit! Wagging a stick in the air doesn’t find water in the ground. I know we all know it does not do this, we have stuff called scientific instruments for this. Using sonar equipment to see if there’s underground aquifers. We paid people to do this shit for guaranteed results at one time. Now we get Jeff to go out back and hold a stick by the forked end for $5 an hour.
Don’t get me started on these dowsing companies either because they’re raking in all the cash that should be going to legitimate services. It doesn’t matter if you’re using last year’s model (forked stick) or this year’s (two sticks spinning around and when they cross you found it), it’s all the same garbage. You’re getting fleeced for shit that doesn’t work and is actively making your search for water harder.
We didn’t even have to deal with this like a few years ago! How the fuck has a large chunk of the world forgotten how to find water the correct way? Shit, you have taps in your home, just turn them on! “Dowsing rod I need hot water please show me hot water” pbbbtbpbtpbptbpbtpbtpbtp. pbtpbptbptbptbtpbtpbtpbtpbtbptb. That’s mouth fart noises pbtpbtpbtpbptbptbptpbtp.
There’s a lot of companies recommending dowsing for their employees, sometimes even rating their performance based on how hard they look for water. Medical insurance systems have been using dowsing to determine if a person has enough water in their body to be denied coverage. Dowsing isn’t helping people, it’s just making life worse.
And the rare cases where dowsers hit water on the first try, it’s not good water. There’s always something wrong, like some chemical or parasite contaminating it. Or it’s not even water, but the rod is still telling you It Sure Is Boss. Now drink it. Drink the definitely-not-piss.
I’ve got one hope about dowsing and it’s that it’s unsustainable. The entire dowsing industry is predicated on dowsing being useful for finding water, but the results aren’t bearing out. Large tracts of land are being purchased to set up Dowsing Fields in the hopes that dowsing there will turn up even more water. The GDP alone in the dowsing industry eclipses even what we spend on everyday items. This is a bubble, and the bubble will pop.
When it does, the companies making dowsing equipment will not produce that equipment anymore. The companies running their own Dowsing experiments like letting you dowse anywhere with their Dowsing Tools will shut down operations since dowsing earns them no money. It’s a sunk cost fallacy that has to end at some point, and we need to understand that when the Dowsing Industry collapses we have to be able to land on our own feet without it. Just like how we did it, I don’t know, a year and a half ago? I don’t think we were that heavy into dowsing then.
It’s old-timey confidence tricks, a mentalist act to make you think the dowsing rod cares about you finding water. Oh sorry, there was no water here? You’re right, how about checking the ground over there instead? It will continue to flatter you into thinking you’re finding water. Just give it one more chance.
